Welcome to you all, and I do hope the ferry ride to this wonderful island was pleasant! No doubt Juan and his boys greeted you warmly. By the way if you wish to donate to our fundraiser to buy them Green cards we would most appreciate that! My name is Dasha, and I will be your docent for your tour of the newly opened Presidential Library. I am glad each of you are sporting your MAGA caps: we truly support Making American Girls Association!
First just to get you better oriented, as you may know this island was left to the President in the Last Will & Testament of his dear friend of many years. To protect the donor’s privacy, we simply will refer to him as J.E. As you came up the dock you could not miss the beautiful statue greeting you, yes a true Miss Titanic replica. The live model for the artist was one of the President’s favorite contestants. He loved them on the young side as you know, so she is quite lovely isn’t she?!
So if you all will follow me, we will commence the tour.
Here we are in the grand lobby, and the first thing your eyes are taking in is the 1/2 scale model of the President’s favorite golden escalator. Wait, is that the President and the First Lady I see coming down? This dynamic couple have been fully replicated as fully-articulating robots, created by none other than that famous studio! So life-like, aren’t they? Even the President’s hair is amazing! Now he’s about to utter those memorable words that resonated with so many of you wonderful White people: “The United States is becoming a dumping ground for the world.”
Also here in this great lobby are replicas of the President’s very own seven Black supporters, extending their welcome. Like his, their names will live on forever in this exhibit.
Now, to explain the arrangement of the Library, there are 6 wings, each divided into 6 other display rooms, and each of those rooms having 6 focus exhibits. Just remember 6-6-6 if that helps.
I won’t try to describe each of those, but I will be happy to answer any questions along the way. Please try to hold down the chatter, and the giggles, as we do seek to maintain some semblance of a library fit for a President.
The six major wings cover these topics: there is the No Obstruction, No Collusion wing; the Korean dough boy wing; the Big Red Star wing; the shit-holes wing; and, lastly the very personal wing of the President showing his stuff.
I will just mention a couple of highlights you likely will enjoy, as you take in the life of your favorite Swamp Drainer. First in the personal wing, I would like to draw your attention to the array of the President’s techniques in grabbing girl’s so they can’t help but submit to his wonderful charm. What his little hand can do is just amazing, right! I did enjoy helping him perfect a few of those moves myself!
Also in his personal wing you will find exhibits of some of his favorite books. Oh, sorry, I mean book. You have to realize he didn’t need to read, as he pretty much knew everything already…..born knowing. But you will see a Bible, and if you look real hard, you may see a book, well worn, written by a famous mid-20th century German.
There is also a great display of him on the phone at Mar Lago, talking about USA top secret information as he dines with China’s premier. Notice how the Chinese leader hangs on every word, totally in awe of our President.
And best of all is the exhibit of The Wall, with the crying mother on one side and the baby’s lifeless body hung up in barbed wire on the other side of the wall. So poignant, and that’s what He liked, for he knew this would stop the dumping! I bet you all were big fans of that policy too, right?! Let’s clap!
Giving The Wall a run for the money, though, is my next best favorite, the Muslim terrorists wall. Rather realistic isn’t it. You may recognize a certain foursome. Oh, those misguided Squad gals! Some supporters wanted us to also include an exhibit on White Supremacists, but to our knowledge such persons do not exist…….it is all fake news, right?!
The best display, at least in my mind, is the one of our President standing triumphantly next to Vlad – my past leader, until I chain migrated to join our President and First Lady. How dashing the President looks, and I do love those golden knee pads he is sporting for the world to see! I sort of dig Vlad’s Cheshire grin too, wink wink!
So, before I turn you loose for the self-guided part of the tour, I suggest you save the best for last, which is a full-scale holographic display of the President from his last office in lower Manhattan. As you see, his likeness is grinning and giving us a big thumbs up through the bars. I love the President, always so positive!
Enjoy your tour, and don’t forget to pickup a few brochures on the President’s family’s future developments in Russia. It’s a wonderful country, and some of you might want to consider it for retirement! All of his family moved there you know! We just hope he lives long enough to join them, but as they say in our great country, “the jury is still out.”